something disgusting this way comes

"c'mon baby (don't fear the leaper)"

there are six words that, when paired just so, will make me feel instantly nauseous. they are:

brown + recluse
out + sourcing
and
camel + cricket

brown sourcing is not so hot either.

not unlike one of my ex-girlfriends, the brown recluse spider is a nasty, tiny, light brown colored hermit that, when feeling threatened, will inject a flesh-necratizing poison into it's otherwise oblivious victim. the lesson i've learned: don't seek it out and you can continue living relatively unscarred without large chunks of you missing.

out-sourcing is a meaningless campaign issue whereby livelihoods are taken away from a higher paying job market and given to a lower paying job market, usually in another country. the segment of the population most affected by these practices would be the unlucky. coming in at a close second would be the over-paid and under-smart. (gulp.)

while not possessing the means to hurt you in any direct physical or financial manner, the camel cricket has other ways of "getting" you. this little time burglar from the ninth circle of cricket hell will creep you out with it's freakish leaping abilities, which it uses to either (1) keep you foolishly swatting at the spot on the floor where it just was less than a second ago, (2) force you to spastically writhe and brush your arms and chest, or, (3) when alone with you in tight quarters, ensure that you know the face of the insect whose life you are trying to take.

camel crickets live almost exclusively in the southeastern part of the united states, under my house. they generally stay in the crawl space, which i imagine sufficiently suits their dark and dank little lifestyle. but with the advent of daylight savings time, you can usually find at least one or two "soldier crickets" that have crawled through the cracks of my 1935 house and found their way into the seasonal darkness of the surface world by 5:30pm or so. which means the first thing i do when i come home from work is spend about 15 minutes trying to end a life.

great. that's just great. thank you, daylight savings time.