too much of a good thing

if i lived in brazil, i would still eat this


i love pizza. love it. a disappointingly facile addiction, i know. but the heart wants what it wants.

i was visiting a friend of mine the other night, who had a small get together to celebrate her first brithday in recent memory as a single woman.

two of the women at the party had put together a "single girl survival kit" for my friend, complete with the first issue of her new subscription to playgirl. very "cathy for the new millennium". probably the most compelling item in the kit, if "let me see it" is a measure of anything. plus, you know, it's porn. eventually, the "guy with the biggest dick" picture was located, and then held up and shown to the rest of the class.

i was sitting some 10 feet away on the couch, so i didn't get a real good look. but it wasn't shockingly large. i mean, it was probably the size of a small baby arm i'd say. but it wasn't on the scale of, like, early erotic cave painting big or anything like that. this guy wasn't going to be driving oxen or plowing a field with this thing any time soon. unimpressed with what seemed to be an imaginable set of circumstances, i was just about to start half-listening to the goings on when the girl sitting next to me said the following:

"look at that thing. it's practically out there on it's own, living it's own life, you know, hanging out, callin' friends, ordering pizza..."

and all i could think was, "that would really be something...being able to order pizza while you were ALREADY ordering pizza. that would be sweet. don't say this out loud."