the child who would be ted

ted-a-ted


have you ever made eye contact with a toddler who looks exactly like you did when you were a toddler? i had the dubious pleasure of experiencing such an encounter last saturday, while standing outside of a diner, lazily sipping coffee with some friends while our table was being readied.

the shared moment was brief, as his parents were hurriedly dragging him up the street, probably to the educational toy store. but in the 10 or so seconds that we could see each other, an eternity of awkward acknowledgement and panic seemed to unfold.

from the look in his eyes, i imagine his thought bubble went something like:

"oh my god, when i grow up my hair is going to be brown and largely missing. and i'm going to be slightly pigeon-toed? and drink coffee? and when does one of my front teeth start to go a little crooked? at least i'll be six feet tall. who are your lady friends?"

my thought bubble read:

"oh, you think you can do better? you think maybe you'll magically have the wisdom in a few years to ask for braces, or corrective shoes? or find some miracle home remedy that will prevent the fifth horseman of genetics from replacing your blonde crown with the prickly thorns of muddy baldness? oh, and by the way, nice bowl cut you've got there, young squire. sorry i can't stay and chat. i have to go spend some of my own money and make some of my own decisions. ever done either of those things? have fun at the learning store..."

he was already out of eye-shot by the time i got to the "...stay and chat" part, but i know i got my message across.

screw that kid.