the trouble with english children
british as a second language
what is a twat? my dictionary defines twat as "a vulva; a woman or women collectively; a term of contempt and hostility." twat is a word british people use when they want to say something mean about people. my mum says i should not say the word twat or the word vulva. misses wensleydale says we shouldn't call people twats because it's not nice and because it's not good grammar. twat is like the word deer because even if there are lots of them you shouldn't put an "s" at the end of the word. deer travel in herds. i don't know what a group of twat is called. nigel says they travel in "smacks" and i told him that was not funny. i am sorry i disturbed the class by passing notes, and that i called agnes and fiona twats. i would also be sorry if i called them twat.
twee is another word in the dictionary on the same page as twat. british children are twee.
posted by missing @ Sunday, January 16, 2005
15 Comments:
Like a Night Club in the morning, you’re the bitter end.
Like a recently disinfected shit-house, you’re clean round the bend.
You give me the horrors
too bad to be true
All of my tomorrow’s
are lousy coz of you.
You put the Shat in Shatter
Put the Pain in Spain
Your germs are splattered about
Your face is just a stain
You’re certainly no raver, commonly known as a drag.
Do us all a favour, here... wear this polythene bag.
You’re like a dose of scabies,
I’ve got you under my skin.
You make life a fairy tale... Grimm!
People mention murder, the moment you arrive.
I’d consider killing you if I thought you were alive.
You’ve got this slippery quality,
it makes me think of phlegm,
and a dual personality
I hate both of them.
Your bad breath, vamps disease, destruction, and decay.
Please, please, please, please, take yourself away.
Like a death a birthday party,
you ruin all the fun.
Like a sucked and spat our smartie,
you’re no use to anyone.
Like the shadow of the guillotine
on a dead consumptive’s face.
Speaking as an outsider,
what do you think of the human race
You went to a progressive psychiatrist.
He recommended suicide...
before scratching your bad name off his list,
and pointing the way outside.
You hear laughter breaking through, it makes you want to fart.
You’re heading for a breakdown,
better pull yourself apart.
Your dirty name gets passed about when something goes amiss.
Your attitudes are platitudes,
just make me wanna piss.
What kind of creature bore you
Was is some kind of bat
They can’t find a good word for you,
but I can...
TWAT.
- John Cooper Clarke
I feel like I had such a backstage pass to this post.
sic: technically, TWAT gwow on twees
chevy: thank you for bringing twee to the table
I might have to give up blogging. I feel so inferior to the creativity of this one - especially the past two. Keep up the excellent and entertaining work.
hahaha i get it now!
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
lse: i'm glad you also wrote about fiona today. it makes me feel like i picked a good country-with-an-english-monarch-on-it's-money name
no problemo, mang!
also, props to elizabeth for the word "smack", which is actually the term for a group of jellyfish. seriously.
and virginia, the removed post was just a duplicate post with some typos. sorry it's not more juicy than that.
dude. i just can't believe your comments today. I am the one that brought up and thought of, smack.
I think you were with a different group this wknd.
are you complaining about accuracy or deserved attention?
it wasnt even either of us who came up with it in the first place.
well thats true, niether of us came up with it, its a science word. and we saw it mentioned on sheets and blankets.
i was just complaining about the accuracy. since you did the same thing on ginnis blog. well and the attention.
uh-huh. i see...one second...just want to jot some things down..(subject appears hostile and needy.) sorry..you were saying?
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