hello uncertainty

we meet again.

i guess the question i've been asked most often in recent weeks is "what are you gonna do if you get laid off?". at a distant second place is the question, "what do you mean you're worried about your porn habit?"

i'm not quite sure what i mean by "worrying about my porn habit". i definitely don't think there's any weird post-catholic stress disorder guilt about it or anything, although i suppose having been raised catholic is reason enough to give oneself pause in considering sexual impulses. maybe it's just being single for the first time in while that makes me a little more mindful of the crazy search strings i find myself typing, and the likelihood that these things will ever be anything other than downloadable results. maybe it's just anxiety about 30 day trials turning into recurring charges on my credit card. i don't know what it is. help me, porn worry hotline:


call now!

as far as the question about getting laid off goes, i find myself becoming more and more excited and nauseaus about the possibilities. having been born in northern ireland has its advantages, including being able to obtain a european union passport that would allow me to work anywhere in the e.u. without needing a visa. it also means that i could theoretically live in the british virgin islands, or one of england's other crazy colonial holdings. there's also the possibility of living kato kaelin style with one of my brothers in los angeles, finally writing that terrible "three irish-american brothers" oscar-winning screenplay that i've had recurring dreams about lately. (i think in my acceptance speech it's called either "impossible love" or "lucky charms". i can't remember which.) there's also the possibility of moving back to new york city and living with my other brother, where i could either write my terrible screenplay, or maybe work on those powerpoint art slides that i invented. and then, of course, there's always staying here in durham and opening that fleet of breakfast/afterhours bacon-egg-n-cheese-on-a-roll vending carts that i've dreamed about. if i call it 'bacon hut', they will come.

either way, i need to put the worrying aside, and grab this uncertainty by the horns and see where it takes me. man, i hope it has horns.